yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
