so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
