i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
