Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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