he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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