this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
