He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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