"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
