Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
