remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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