I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
