Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
