I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
