We won't sleep together?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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