do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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