I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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