Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
