You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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