he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
