I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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