you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
