my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
