i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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