i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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