if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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