Already got asked if we're dating
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
