Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
