Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
