yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
