I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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