i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
