I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pants are for mortals
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
