If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
