Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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