Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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