She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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