Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
