if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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