This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
