So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
