They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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