Jerry, you need to find god
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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