then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
