Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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