Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
