Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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