someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
