I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
