This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
