my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
