She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ugly people sure do ruin things
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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