So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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