Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
