there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
