I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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