i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
