I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it glows. i had to have it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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