oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
