last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
