I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
