I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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