tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
