I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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