ya dads aren't the best wingmen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
