you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
