I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
