I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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