I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
