College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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