when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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