While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
