he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
