Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
