apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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