the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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