Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
