GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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