Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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