Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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