No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
