Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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