i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
